OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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