I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
