I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
