I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
