How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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