Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
