ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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