I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
