Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
