I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
