All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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