My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
