and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
