The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
