How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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