It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
