If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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