yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
