therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
