I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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