I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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