i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Pants are for mortals
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
