i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think my moral compass just broke
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
