You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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