I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
