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• (323): View more from California

  my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing

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• (323): View more from California

  this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude

  (765): View more from Indiana

  call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.

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• (858): View more from California

  Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt

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• (347): View more from New York

  He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?

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• (212): View more from New York

  He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you

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• (707): View more from California

  I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs

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• (650): View more from California

  And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.

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• (475): View more from Connecticut

  I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.

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• (805): View more from California

  I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE

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• (951): View more from California

  i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment

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