I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
