OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
