Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
