she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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