My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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