Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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