He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
