Who did Billy Mays play for?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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