i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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