Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
