I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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