Screwed.edu
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
