Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
