38 yer olds are good kisserssss
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
