Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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