pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
