Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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