C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
