the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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