Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you had me at cake vodka
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
