So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
