Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I need to calm my uterus...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
