you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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