you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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